Showing posts with label london. Show all posts
Showing posts with label london. Show all posts

Saturday, 1 May 2010

Fragments of London

At times, I have strong visuals of London. I remember sunlit roads, or aspects of buildings. Today I happened to remember the approach to a restaurant that my ex-wife and I used to go to almost every weekend. Shepherd's Bush, parking the car, crossing the road, the interior, ... Fragments of visuals from the many scenes that have been imprinted over the years.


I listen to a piece of music and it brings back the spirit of the people who live in London, with all their nationalities. But especially the youthful, trendy variety who made a point of going out to the cool places. Chilled out music, glasses of something or other, cups of coffee, people standing outside pubs talking loudly, puffing cigarettes. There is a certain quality to London's distance: Nobody knows you and nobody wants to, and yet somehow we're all party to the same culture, the same society.

I think of London when I want to go out in Cairo. I find the choice and variety limiting, here. My friends' priorities, their talking-points, ... ugh ... suffocating sometimes. And, even if I did go out in London and come back empty many a time, and lonely too, sometimes seething and bitter at this coldhearted city, still the London I spidered (like google) was a London of ideas, aspirations and endeavours.

Even though age and appearances do matter in the UK, there are lots of 40+ year olds wandering the streets, wearing the same sorts of clothes as the younger people, and enjoying life similarly - with adjustments. But in Cairo, one feels ridiculous if one does not act one's age. I am 38 (still!) and I am constrained already.

London life is indulgent - especially when you earn a good living and have made peace with the indignity of public transport. You tend to have money to be in nice-looking spots, eat out at new restaurants, meet lots of people, dress well, buy books, attend plays, support new acts, hang out, ...

I miss London, but I am sure when I go back it will be the same. Anyone can plug in. In fact, long after I am gone it will still be the same: a hub.

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Wednesday, 11 March 2009

I do not know anyone's number by heart

I went out for an errand early today and on my return I discovered I had locked myself out of my home. I had nothing on me. Nothing. Okay, I did have some cash and my transport card and my bank card, so I wasn't completely disconnected from the system. I could have gone to work, but I needed stuff that was indoors, locked in. I had to stay around the area. Normally, one of my flatmates works from home. Not today. I only managed to stumble back in at 10pm.

I spent the day in forced retirement at various public places: coffeeshop, internet shop, restaurant, another coffeeshop, barbershop, bookshop, etc. The experience was not as bad as it could have been, and I did get to think about things from a different vantage point than the one I am used to (which tends to mindlessly follow on from whatever it was I was doing before). On the other hand, it was disruptive. I could not even call people to cancel plans; in today's world, I do not know anyone's number by heart.

Still, I did manage to borrow pen and paper from various random people and got to ponder some writing ideas. I miss unplanned heavy pondering.

And I had a number one at the barber!


Londoners love their alcohol haze, that's what one of the London Evening Standard's rising columnists says. Nirpal Dhaliwal does voice something that I've chewed over for a while and wanted to post about. In fact, I drafted a couple of blog posts on the subject but never got around to finishing them. Nirpal's article summarises a lot of what I want to say, except I think the opposite. Anyway, this guy, he's come to my attention in the last year or so, and every post I've seen is well-written and interesting. He nails the well-travelled, single, 30ish, London voice.

Will Self, established writer that he is, is always enjoyable. His way with words, his wordsmitherry (hey, I am no Will Self) are distinctive. He voices a liberal, sophisticated, atheist, London voice.

Hey, you wanna laugh? Please read how children are too hot to handle for Iranian TV.

Yes, I had a lot of time to read the papers today! Even the not particularly noteworthy Evening Standard!


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Thursday, 12 February 2009

London speaks to me finally

We gathered in front of the McDonald's next to Charing Cross station and set off around 7. We were armed with brand new sleeping bags, brand new socks and gloves, and lots of sandwiches.

"How come the organiser isn't here!" I said to everyone. The organiser of the meet-up was herself absent, and there was a lot of initial confusion as to division of work and groups.

No one replied.

I went with John, who was more experienced than I in this sort of thing. "I like your curiosity, mate," John told me, as soon as we set off.

We stopped at a corner on The Strand (in front of the Zimbabwe embassy) where lots of homeless people congregated. As soon as it became apparent we were giving things away, they descended on us. John tried talking to some as he handed out sandwiches. I gave out all the gloves. Then all the socks. John motioned me to go.

"That's the trouble with East Europeans," he said. "They tend to circle you and take everything."

"A lot of people question the point of what we're doing. Say they're all a bunch of lay-abouts. It's a real dilemma, mate. I mean, I can't fucking work it out, do y'know w'I mean?" John said.

He said he wanted to stop off at Covent Garden. When we got to the market square area (normally considered a nice, pretty spot), he told me, "I fuckin' hate this place. I hate how they've commercialised it." We stopped in front of two homeless people, both 40+. A man and a woman. English.

"Afraid we've only got chicken sandwiches," John told them.

"Only chicken! Only chicken! Only!" the big man guffawed. "I'll have your chicken then," he told us.

They took lovely Pret a Manger chicken sandwiches. I offered some chocolate-covered cake-rolls, but the big guy said he has diabetes. We gave them the only pair of socks remaining. John rested alongside the big man and puffed on his roll.

"So, what do you think, how do you feel?" John said.

"I'll tell you what I feel. I feel my goverment has betrayed me. I tell you who I respect. The Christians. I am 57. 25 years on the streets. The Christians have been feeding me. They're the only real, kind people in this business," the big man said.

"It's a fucking business, that what's it is. The homeless business. It's big fucking money. They're making money off us," said the woman, who was clearly the big man's wife.

"That bloody Jacqui Smith [Home Secretary]. I'll tell you something about her. 770 grand, is what she made last year. I read that in the paper," the big man said.

"Yeah, I read that too. It's a disgrace innit," John said.

"The fucking bloody head of [some major homeless organisation], he drives a Mezarati. He walks around, he talks to a few people, drives fucking off in a Mezarati," he says.

"Country's going to the dogs," she says.

"It's not going, it's gone. This government, not just this one, the past bloody ten governments, for the last fifty years, what ave I got out of 'em? Nish. Nuffin," he says.

"They just bloody give it to the foreigners," she says.

"Yeah, I noticed a lot of Eastern Europeans up there on the Strand," John said. He was deeply engrossed, happily sucking away at roll after roll.

"They're all bloody Polish. I never set foot there. I stopped. I fucking go mad. They've taken over the streets. Our streets. And they bloody get everything. The government gives them everything. Our government asks them 'oh sweetheart, do you need a place to live do you?' and hands them out everything!" the man said.

"It's not our country any more," she said.

"I'm not racist," he says, "I am happy if foreign people come to my country. But me first. Not 'em. What have I got for my parents' hard work? My father worked for this country, he paid his taxes. So did my mum," he said.

"It's not right," I said.

"No, it ain't bloody right. They just want us to die. They're just waiting for us to die off, is what my government wants" he said.

"What's your trade?" said John.

"I used to be a builder. And a good one too. But I fell behind. Went off the mainstream. And that's it. It's like you're shunted off on to a side road, and you can't ever get back on to the main road. There's no exit. My exit is my death. I am just waiting to die. I am 57. Do you know what I mean?"

"Three more years, and they'll take you in. They have to," John said.

"We had Brian. Lived off the streets forty years. They took him in. He died two years later. He lived on the street forty years, as soon as they took him in, he went," the wife said.

"Wasn't used to the warmth, I'll bet," John said.

"No, it's not that. It's the hassle. The paperwork. The constant questioning. He lost his freedom," the man said.

"But if they give the foreigners flats, why can't you take one too?" I said.

"I tell you why. They give a Pole a bloody shithole, and he goes thank-you, sir, and he bloody lives in the shithole. You give me a shithole, I can't live in it. Give me a decent place, I make it better, I make it my shithole."

And it went on.

For almost half an hour the man and his wife regaled us with their version of the story: they had been done in by their government. Their own government had refused to help them. Instead, their government had helped people from outside. Their government had given them raw deals which they had to accept, but they're not like the foreigners and they won't accept any rubbish. They needed genuine taking care of, real assistance, not meagre hand-outs and a judgemental attitude. It's no wonder they've turned alcoholic, they say, they're so upset.

"I am not suicidal. Not at all. Just cos I'm saying this stuff, don't mean I wanna kill myself. I love life. I love life. Do you understand me? I am just unhappy, that's all. The British people they're only concerned with money. Got wonga? Yes sir. Got nish? Fuck off. And that ain't right," the man said.

"It's not going to get fixed either," the woman said.

"Not even two generations can fix it," the man said.

John had disappeared for a while, and after he returned he explained that a friend is on his way. Five minutes later, Luke appeared.

Luke was sucked in right away. He listened attentively and tried to query the man on some details.

John declared us ready to go.

We walked off in a big huff of "God bless you"s from the man and his wife.

Luke then asked John how things were.

John told him, "Been rolling too many. Fucking stoned out of my wits. Need a drink. Going to the pub. Right, Ahmed?"

I was dumbstruck. John had been stoned from the second I first saw him! That explained why he had seemed a little in his world, a little cool and collected, a little smiley.

On the way to the pub, I learnt that Luke - who is around 24 - is training to be a journalist. Later, I was to learn that he writes very powerful pieces about the homeless in small rags. John is 30ish. He freelances in IT. But talking to him about his work, I was a little confused how he manages to pass himself off as an expert.

Just before we got to the Old Vic Theatre, on our way to the pub, Luke - I suppose trying to bridge the gap between his age and mine - asked if I am married. I said I had been, but no longer. He was intrigued. I gave them a brief synopsis. "Where was she from?" they asked. I said America. Whereabouts, they asked. Arkansas originally, I said. They snickered. Then John told me he'd been married to an American too. A New Yorker from Brooklyn. Jewish. They used to get high all the time. She accused him of abuse, and he can't forgive her for lying. Now he's divorced.

"We've got something that bonds us, mate," he said, and fist-bumped me.

Everyone came to the pub. There was none of the usual meet-up bullshit: cliques and attitudes. We were trying to genuinely connect; I guess that's the attitude I went with.

The organiser - who had turned out to be doing a different route - is dusting off a PhD in sociology. She told me how, in the past, they'd invited some homeless people to the pub with them. "The amazing thing is, inside the pub, they're transformed to perfectly quote normal unquote people. A real pleasure to talk to. Then after we'd finished and we're going home, they stepped outside and sat on the floor. And that's when we realised ... Such an academic, intellectual point to make," she said apologetically.

I stood outside the pub with Luke and John (where, presumably, John was continuing his quest for altitude), and we reflected on what the 57 year old man had told us. Luke was of the opinion that attitude plays a crucial part; he emphasised the importance of thinking positively. The three of us agreed that the homeless had given in to their bitterness, had convinced themselves all was doomed.

I brought up the man's pronouncement: "I love life". He definitely did, I said. There was no mistaking it.

On the way back home, I realised that for the first time - possibly - I had met an Englishman who spoke from the heart, with that unmistakable inner poetry and fluency of mankind. Egypt is full of these people; but most English people are reserved, and they don't speak from the heart.

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Wednesday, 21 January 2009

An important point in Obama's inaugural speech

President Obama made a distinction in his inaugural speech (brought to my attention via the BBC): "the makers of things" versus the makers of money. He said the US's spirit lies with the former.

He said: "a nation cannot prosper long, when it favours only the prosperous".

It may be that we have crossed a threshold. I came to England to study Artificial Intelligence, and subsequently Pattern Recognition, yet by the time I was finishing (around 2000), all I wanted was to join the legions of smart people who worked in the money markets in London's City (financial organisations). It was something that baffled my parents back in Cairo.

I had graduated in 1991 at the forefront of a new generation of computer scientists in Egypt. Looking back, my father describes the timing of my graduation as perfect. People in Egypt were just beginning to realise how important computing was going to be, and it was going mainstream, and here I was young, scholastically accomplished, and ready.

His analysis also applies internationally: it was people of my age and of my more-or-less same background who pioneered the Great Internet Expansion of 1994-1998. This was the proper internet boom. (1999-2001 saw a silly anything-goes craze that amounted to clearing of deadwood.)

But I was out of all this. I had gone and buried myself under books for almost ten years (1992-2000). You'd think I'd come out of the PhD tunnel all revved up for the second wave of internet expansion, or something. Nope, exposure to the scientific method and advanced computing algorithms drove me straight to the money men.

A lot of what I did in my early life was in imitation of others - particularly other Egyptians. But by 2000, aged 29, the circle of people I was imitating (modelling, if you like) had expanded to various London-based nationalities of accomplished, ambitious people. And they all seemed obsessed with the City.

Picking just one example: How about the Greek guy who, upon completing his PhD, had transitioned right into an investment banking job at Lehman Brothers (now defunct), and three years later had bought two brand-new flats (which he was renting out)? He was two years younger than me.

The people who were coming to our campus (to sell their companies to us) were all top people. They might have studied Geography, or Literature, but they all were academically distinguished, one way or another. It showed; you could tell. They spoke of how hard they worked and how you have to be ready to roll with the punches, but that they were working with the best people in the world. The kinds of things they did in their spare time were: sky-diving, mountain-climbing, or wind-surfing. They never talked about their salaries, of course.

I heard through a friend that he had wanted to buy one of the new flats that arose like mushrooms throughout London ('new developments') only to find that all the flats had already gone. He'd arrived at 9am. Others were there at 8am. Everyone was paying in cash.

Close friends referred me to vault.com and other career-building sites, packed with insider tips, interview preps, etc. I started studying John Hull's "Futures, Options and Derivatives" - considered 101 City. Black-Scholes model and all that.

Fundamentally, a lot of what goes on in the City, and the recent Hedge Fund fad, is speculation. It is dressed-up, mathematically-cool betting. You are trading on other people's trading. Some fools, some schmucks, really were buying and selling goods (currency, oil, metal, financial assets, etc); but you, you betted on them. I bet that schmuck makes a 5 mil loss on that gold transaction; I am putting 2 grand on it.

Despite my academic abilities, and the smarts I supposedly possessed, much to the chagrin of my parents, I craved and desired to be part of that world. My father pronounced me morally bankrupt.

Being Muslim, I felt torn about the desires I had. Muslim teachings are against interest-based loans. They are against betting and gambling. The spirit of Muslim teachings is "do not exploit your fellow man", and "trade things, not money". Still, I remember justifying my interest to work in the City to an old friend thus: "You need to get inside the system to beat the system."

Well, the system beat me. All my interviews went nowhere. For some reason, God did not want me to be part of this "system". It has left an indelible mark of defeat on me. Yet I have to trust in God and believe that He wanted better things for me.

But this struggle, this conflict is not over. Right now, still, there are thousands of people carrying on with speculation. It is called the money markets. It is called trading. Go F yourself.



Update on 9 Feb 2009

George Osborne, the Shadow Chancellor, called for a fundamental change to bankers’ pay. “The party is over for the banks. You can’t go on paying yourselves 20 times what a heart surgeon earns. That whole culture has to come to an end. I think the bankers, and indeed the Government, have to understand you can’t just reflate the balloon that burst,” he said.



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Wednesday, 14 January 2009

Cairo London. London Cairo.

* Before leaving Cairo, I sent my stuff to a 'recommended' dry cleaners and dropped some shirts at the ironing man. I arrive in London to find the dry cleaners have done a shoddy job (they might have worsened the condition of my clothes than improved them), plus my white shirt is missing its collar button (and the ironing man did not bother to tell me). My first instinct is to do like everybody in Egypt does: blame the country and its shoddy citizens. And I just have.

(I know, I know, it happens all across the world.)


* As if to compensate for the last time I flew out of Cairo Airport, my passage through the airport this time was very smooth and quick. I wished Egypt was like that all the time. Catching some "quiet time" in the airport's departure area, overlooking a wonderfully bright, afternoon-lit expanse of golden-coloured runways, arrays of apartment-blocks filling the horizon a safe distance away, I could almost retrieve the lovely Cairo of my parents' and grandparents' time. The food area on level three is nothing special, but sitting, musing, and doing nothing to the cool 1950s jazz put me in a good place.


* On the BMI flight from Cairo to London, they had placed a copy of the Daily Mail (oh what a wonderful tabloid) on each seat. The first three pages were coverage of the story of a baby born two days after her mother had died. Doctors had kept the mother's heart working even after she went brain-dead - so they could rescue the baby. The father is Egyptian, the late mother was English. What was God telling us?


* I attended my university's graduation ceremony - an event to celebrate the graduation of students of the 2007/2008 academic year. At the Barbican - a distinguished venue by all standards, the auditorium accommodates at least 1000, with hundreds of people in the balcony. They played classical music as we, staff, marched up to the stage to our designated seats.

The first time I attended the event, I was awed: I was nervous and looked only at the floor. Things change! For the past couple of years I have trodden up and down the aisle imagining the audience's polite applause was all for me - because I deserve it.

Our job at these functions is to clap, for almost 90 minutes. You get into a rhythm. "FirstName LastName" - clap, clap, clap - watch as they walk past - "Anothername Anothersurname" - clap, clap, clap, repeat a couple hundred times.

I tried to think whether one could tell anything about the character of a person the way they walked across the stage, after they've received their award and the audience's eyes had moved on to the next person. Could I tell the fake, the self-absorbed, the warm-hearted, the genuine, ... just by the way they walked? Because it is interesting: a student who never cracked a smile all year, now walks with the most genuine, big smile across her face like she was a little child, like it is so easy to please her. Soon, she will be someone's wife and find her husband unsatisfactory in so many ways, soon she will be a mother with very definite views on how she wants to raise her children.

The answer is no. You can't tell anything. Most people looked down. They took the award, they took a step or two, realised the moment was finished and they just had to walk across the stage and down the stairs, and they looked down. 80% of them did that. Only a few people did not look down at all. Only one or two strutting dudes dared looked at the audience and whip it up.

After this inspired study, you might be surprised to learn that when it was time for us to leave the stage (at the end of the ceremony), I found myself looking down most of the way from my seat to the exit.


* This year's graduation speech was short and uninspiring. Last year's - by the sponsor of the Ubuntu distribution of the free operating system Linux - was funny and inspiring, and left most staff devastated. 34 year old Mark Shuttleworth is worth about $500m.


* I run into a colleague at the graduation ceremony. She asks after me. I say I am fine. She searches a bit more. I can't find more to say. She tells me I look well, really well. "Happy and contented."

"Happy and contented? That's a tall order," I tell her.

She laughs. There are a few seconds of pause.

We say goodbye and go our separate ways.

Then it occurs to me that I hardly said anything nice to her. Like what clear, bright blue eyes she has.

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